


But I Make You So Happy Anyway

by freebees



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 19:03:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15322191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freebees/pseuds/freebees
Summary: Or maybe Peridot is totally wrong, and Lapis just has a really fast subconscious process when it comes to choosing new outfits. Maybe Peridot just took longer to reform so that she wouldn’t have to feel her stomach turn uncomfortably (but not altogether unpleasantly) as she looks at her. It could be either-or.-Quick post-Reunited fic.





	But I Make You So Happy Anyway

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy i havent published any actual fic in at least a few years??? fun
> 
> i hope people like this even though maybe 3 of you will click this haha!
> 
> also the title is just straight-up from that one rosepearl scene in "now we're only falling apart" even though im not the biggest rosepearl fan whats that about (the answer is that that dialogue was SICK okay i loved that. good writing)
> 
> enough of my rambling, hope u enjoy my gay stuff

“So,” Peridot starts, thumbs twiddling against her lap in an anxious display. She’s sitting next to Lapis in the Temple Basement, bubbles glistening overhead and soft red lighting illuminating the room. There’s a leftover slice of Steven’s “Together Breakfast Cake” on the ground next to where Peridot assumes their gemstones had been lying, presumably for Lapis, although neither of the two gems are big eaters. It’s a nice gesture anyways.

Lapis is as stoic as a true rock, and Peridot, while she would like to think that she too can hide her emotions, has no idea how she does it. Both of them have donned new attire, emblazoned with stars and a somewhat less angular style. Lapis was already here when Peridot came to, but if she’s even half as nervous as Peridot is, she sure isn’t showing it. For a moment, worry flashes into Peridot’s mind as she realizes that Lapis must have been injured in order to regenerate; however, she relaxes somewhat after realizing it couldn’t have been all too serious if she came back first.

Or maybe Peridot is totally wrong, and Lapis just has a really fast subconscious process when it comes to choosing new outfits. Maybe Peridot just took longer to reform so that she wouldn’t have to feel her stomach turn uncomfortably (but not altogether unpleasantly) as she looks at her. It could be either-or.

Peridot’s heart feels very full right now. Full of bad feelings, but also good ones, too. Fantastic ones, actually, and the bad and the fantastic are a bit too much for her right now. They spill up out of her chest. They crawl up to her throat and stay there. They make tears burn in her eyes.

“You’re back,” Peridot says, and she fails miserably at keeping her voice from cracking. Her chest has never felt so heavy, she doesn’t think. It’s never felt so light, either; it’s a strange match. Funny. Illogical. Everything seems so illogical nowadays, really. Earth, as a planet--as a home--has had a strange way of taking the little green alien, and everything that she’s ever thought she’d known, and shaking her up into a total mess. Lapis has only ever seemed to magnify the strange pull that Earth has had over Peridot, but in her mind, that’s never been something bad. For all the crazy things that have happened over the last year or two (Peridot still hadn’t quite adjusted to Earth’s measurements of time), Peridot really can’t say she regrets a single moment of her time here in the end.

Lapis must hear the waver in Peridot’s voice, because her composure breaks. For the briefest of seconds, it seems that Lapis is just as afraid to talk to her as Peridot is right now, and then she turns her face away. Peridot can still see part of her brow furrowed in a hint of shame, and the part of herself that she doesn’t like thinks “Good.”  
It thinks, “Good. She should feel bad. She shouldn’t have left us,” and thinking those things makes the part of herself that she hates feel great. But the bigger part of herself, the part of herself that wants to like herself and wants to feel like somebody worthy of being a Crystal Gem, can feel her heart breaking at the exact same time.

“Lapis,” Peridot exhales, trying to find her verbal footing, “why did you wait so long to come home?” Her voice cracks, and it isn’t the question she was expecting herself to ask. For a second, she’s worried something bad will come of it--that she touched a nerve, that Lapis will whirl around with harshness in her eyes and venom in her voice. But after a second, it feels like it was the right thing to say.

When Lapis does speak, her voice sounds a little hoarse, not unlike Peridot’s. It’s weary and tentative at once, betraying the sense that Lapis can’t help but feel like she’s walking on eggshells.

“I don’t have a good reason,” she says. “I was scared,” her breath stutters, and she shrinks in on herself more, hugging her knees. “I wasn’t far. I was on the moon. I was ready to run if I felt like I had to, and I’m sorry,” Lapis continues. “But. But I. I wasn’t far.”

Peridot can feel herself choking up, and she really isn’t sure how Lapis sounds so steady, if still somewhat anxious. When she had been overwhelmed by grief earlier, caught in Blue Diamond’s pain, feeling the shame and guilt of thousands of years--not only Blue’s, but her own as well--weighing upon her, Lapis had still been able to stand tall. Peridot had put it out of her mind quickly (she’s always been good at that), but maybe the same almost-magic that Lapis had used then was what she was using now. She’s always been resilient, even if sometimes distant. It was admirable, really, and Peridot feels the lump in her throat spill out alongside her words.

“Pumpkin missed you,” she exclaims, trying her best not to break into a sob. She quickly shoves up her visor and roughly wipes away the tears clouding her vision. The sharp cry seems to startle Lapis, causing her to turn her body more fully towards Peridot, her expression one of pure concern. Peridot knows that should make her feel better, but the tears only well up faster, and all these stupid Earthly feelings are getting the better of her.

“She--” she continues, words poorly disguising her sobs, “she missed you a whole lot. And--and I tried to make her feel better, but, you know,”--more wiping of tears--“you know how stubborn she can be sometimes!” Peridot lets out a half-baked little laugh, a frail thing that sounds simultaneously like the jittery giggle of a little kid and the weary sigh of a jilted lover.

Lapis’s face scrunches up in a way that Peridot can’t explain, and she balls her hands into fists before grabbing Peridot by the shoulders and holding her tight. She jumps reflexively--even spending so long with touchy little Steven hasn’t quite opened her up to physical affection entirely just yet--but she quickly can tell that Lapis is gripping her with tensed muscles and held breath, and Peridot falls into her grip, wrapping her arms around her in return.

Maybe it isn’t the most verbal conversation in the world, but sitting there, with the warmth of the lava flow filling the room and hugging one another in a way that neither of them have been hugged before? It’ll do for now.

Yeah, that’ll do for now.


End file.
